Blissfully Unaware of the Chaos that Surrounds Me

Happy Fathers' Day . . .

to my Dad and Hubby.

First to my Dad . . .

Dear Dad,

Thank you for all that you’ve taught me, given me and done for me over the last 39 years. Thank you for being such an example of loyalty and generosity. Thank you for always being there, even when it would have been easier for you to be elsewhere. Thank you for always being so willing to give – anything and everything that might be asked of you. My commitment to community service and giving to others come directly from you and your heartfelt example. I can never thank you enough for modeling and teaching me that value.

 Thank you for all the roles that you served for Dylan in his early years. Thank you for continuing to grow that relationship with your first grandchild - 14.5 years later. Thank you for pushing through and forming a relationship with your only granddaughter – stubborn and stinky as she might be at times!

Thank you for accepting, respecting and always honoring John as my husband.

Thank you for believing in me and giving me grace when I needed to find my way.

Most importantly, thank you for showing me how to overcome. Thank you for making the decision to choose life and love and health. Thank you for teaching me that we can do hard things and in doing so; teaching me the value of accomplishing and persevering through those hard things.

It hasn’t always been easy, but thank you for being you. Thanks for being my Dad. Thank you for being Papa to my kids. I love and respect you so much. I hope you never doubt that. I am so very grateful for you and all of the experiences that I’ve enjoyed because you are my Dad.

Lisa got me on a kick of looking at old photos . . . I love these and the love that they represent. Happy Father's Day, Pops.

And then to my dear hubs . . . 

 Dear John,

 Hello and Happy Father’s Day, my love.

I wish (like crazy) that you were here and that we could celebrate you and your fatherhood in person. However, regardless of where you are; you remain an amazing example of what it means to be a great Dad.

First and foremost, thank you for loving Dylan like you do. We were a package deal, he and I . . . and you never hesitated. Not for a moment. Thank you for your sense of equality and for your steadfast commitment to loving our boy. That commitment is what truly opened (and sealed) my heart to you, just eight years ago. Thank you, that when you officially adopted him? It was just a piece of paper. It represented what and who you were to him from the moment that you met him.

Thank you delivering our daughter into this world with such care and reverence. Thank you for always finding the time to sit on the floor and play with her. I’ve tried to fill the void since you’ve left and Halle is adamant that I am not nearly as fun or adept as you when it comes to playing “lions and tigers”. Thank you for being willing to dance with our beautiful daughter when she needs to practice her princess dances with a real prince. Thank you for the nights that you stood over her when she was a tiny peanut, making sure that she was indeed breathing. 

Thank you for being willing to stretch and grow and adapt, as we became a family. Thank you for stretching yourself to the point of brokenness in your quest to provide for our family. Thank you for your sense of honor, loyalty and patriotism. Thank you for serving our country when it would be much easier (on all of us!!!) to not. Thank you for modeling such an amazing example of commitment, dedication and hard work to our children.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for continuing to try. Thank you for your grace and love and example and commitment. I could not find a better Daddy for our kiddos anywhere in the world. I cannot imagine life without you and I so very grateful to celebrate you as such an amazing Dad on this Father’s Day. I hope that you feel our love and appreciation 1/2 way around the world and I hope and pray that you are safe.

 All of my love, A.

Tee Shirt Quilt . . .

I have a long-standing issue with my sewing machine. I cannot believe that in this day and age, that there is not some magical way to thread a bobbin, adjust tension, etc. So my sewing machine sits in the cupboard and I hire out anything that requires a stitch. 

Including this:

It seems silly, really, that I couldn't sew a bunch of squares together, but they were knit . . . and knit is tricky! So I cashed in on a Living Social deal that I had bought for Mominizer and am thrilled with the result. Granted, I think you could really personalize a tee shirt quilt and make it something insanely amazing, but this one is done. D.O.N.E. Versus a bunch of tee shirts, sitting in a box, all while I think about how amazing I could make it. This officially counts as one of Dylan's graduation presents (the other is $$$ towards a bike) because the tees include (top to bottom, left to right)

• church leadership
• 5th grade basketball championship
• 6-8th grade student council
• 4th grade native American studies/tribal shirt made with bleach
• the kindergarten class shirt
• Chico Christian preschool (the handprint whale)
• Disneyland - when Dylan was finally brave enough to ride the Pirates of the Caribbean without crying
• Minor League baseball championship
• tie-dye tee shit Dylan made at Family Camp the summer before Halle was born (he also made her a matching onesie)
• Eagle Lake
• World's Best Mom tee that Dylan wore when I had Halle
• 2nd grade tee
• Washington D.C. trip 
• Prairie Creek field trip 
• Country Day basketball (7-8th grade)
• and last but not least, the 1st Annual Run for Food (which is gearing up for their 8th year this Thanksgiving)

It's soft, washable, a great size and most importantly, beyond-full of memories! Hired out or not. Done is done is done. The end.

Friday Phone Dump . . .

Our man-boy was at camp all this week, so it was just the girlie and I. It was weirdly quiet.

We went to the library. We went to the pet store . . . multiple times. We played Candyland so many times that I started to stack the deck in her favor, just so she could win more quickly. On Monday, when we were woken by a huge thunderstorm, she and I and the dog rode it out together. We did art. We visited friends. She embraced her inner Lady Liberty. I fell down the stairs and hurt my knee. She swam. I worked. She played. I painted her nails. She slept (sideways) in my bed. We went to Target. We took GG to the mall. We replaced Halle's former fish, who departed us last week.

All in all, it was quite the girls' week. But it sure made us miss our boys. So we were glad when at least this one came back to us:

In between all the girlie fun, I fell victim to the spell of Downton Abbey. Dang it. I still prefer Call the Midwife, but until a new season begins . .  beggars can't be choosers. And it is pretty compelling.

Dang it. I am totally sucked in.

Walking Pneumonia . . .

is what this girl has. Yep. And why wouldn't I? Seriously. Although the official diagnosis came in June, I totally consider this to be a May disease. Because ya'll know how much I hate the month of May!

Anywhooo . . . it's 1:30 am. I'm not just awake because of the horrific coughing. Nope. Still working. Apparently when I am feverish, sicker than a dog and trying to balance work/home/graduations? I do not work quickly, efficiently or at a high level of intelligence. So my deadline of 8:30 am is fast approaching. Considering that I am driving carpool for the last day of school and we have to leave the house at 7:40? My deadline is actually a little sooner than that. 

So, back to work I go. Just one more (kinda major) task to do and I'll be done. Or done enough to go to bed. I am actually going to take at least Monday-Tuesday off next week to rest. Doctor's orders. (Of course, he also told me to not talk and Lord knows, I haven't abided by that either!) So I am totally focused on life after about 11:00 am tomorrow. That gets us through school. Then everything (other than getting better!!) becomes more optional. At least for a few days.

Until then . . . my graduates:

Man alive, do I love those kiddos and am so very proud of them! 

It's Most Definitely a Monday . . .

and my dislike for May has crossed on over into June. Pisser. But anyway . . . I was refraining from writing a new blog post until I was cheery and UP(!) and all pulled together. Then I realized that if I set those parameters, it might actually be the end of this here little blog! So . . . moving on . . . 

It's the last week of school. Incidentally, it's also my busiest week at work in oh, say . . . ever! Finding balance is not the easiest thing for me this week. I am also suffering from a major case of rage. Oh, and also? Some type of influenza-like horror. Fever. Aches. Headache. Sore throat. Congestion. A general sense of wanting to die  . . . you know . . . the basics! But I have no option other than to rally. A Mama's gotta do what a Mama's gotta do!

So . . . Kindergarten graduation programs . . . DONE. Kindergarten graduation cakes . . . DONE. IOU for one (in-progress) photobook gift for Halle's teacher . . . DONE. Flowers purchased for Halle's teacher . . . DONE. New dress and sandals for the Kindergarten fashion queen . . . DONE. Clothing and shoes purchased for the Middle School Graduate . . . DONE. Middle School graduation dinner plans all settled . . . DONE. An adorable collage of Dylan's Kindergarten-8th grade experience at CCDS . . . DONE.

In a bold Pinterest-inspired bit of madness, I am going to try and put together some candy/money leis for my favorite 8th grade graduates . . . I have the candy. I have the money. And that's about it. We'll see how that works out!

Tomorrow, we will start our day early with Halle's Kindergarten "graduation". (FYI, I'm trying desperately hard to not focus on that fact that John is missing this week filled with milestones.) Tomorrow night we have the 8th grade dinner/dance. My boy and I are going to represent! On Wednesday, we will sit out in the blazing heat (106 is predicted :-0) and clap and cheer for our boy finishing up nine years at CCDS. On Thursday we will celebrate a lifelong friend of Dylan's as she also graduates from 8th grade. Friday we are celebrating the official END OF SCHOOL with a swim party at our Robyn's pool. Amen. Saturday has more birthday/graduation parties than we can shake a stick at!

And then, officially, our summer begins.

Please Lord, may the next week go quickly and smoothly.

This post by one of my favorite bloggers, Jen Hatmaker, might have possibly been the highlight of my week! So. Much. Truth.

Also, I just devoured (ha, ha . . . funny play on words for a foodie book) Food and Wine by Shauna Niequist. Between that and Season 2 of Call the Midwife, I spent my really sick day (yesterday) well. My children are alive, but just barely ;-) I basically left them to their own devices for the large majority of the day. Because that's how crappy I felt.

There's lots and lots of life to catch up on here on my own little place in the (interwebs) world. But for tonight, I am going to bed. Praying for sleep . . . a lack of coughing  . . . and to actually wake up feeling rested.

Please?

While I fall asleep, I can only ponder, how did this little gap-toothed smiling boy become a man-boy, so very quickly? I will never understand the passage of time . . .

You go, buddy 'o mine! You are amazing, just the way you are! Your kindness, faith, compassion, sense of humor, intelligence, loyalty, sense of responsibility and all of your other (countless!) qualities simply overwhelm me at times. I pray that this week will adequately celebrate you and all that you have accomplished over the last 9 years; as well as prepare you for the (crazy!) upcoming transition. If anyone can do it successfully? It is you, my brilliant boy!  

Bummer Monday . . .

I'm a little blue today. Maybe all of the focus on Memorial Day, combined with the reality that THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING and dealing with the myriad of the struggles that our family is facing right now? Is just a little much. 

So. A picture dump is my (only) way out.

1. Baby C came to visit. His amazing mama came up and stayed the night so that I could drive on a field trip for Dylan (that we departed for at 5:15 am). 2. Cape day at school. Love my sweet and amazing super-girl! And her super-brother who bought that cape for his sister. 3-4. My sweet friend, Hannah, graduated from the Butte College nursing program last week. My word (!!) we are proud of that girl! And Halle loved the chance to see her friend (Hannah's daughter, Ava). 5. Our boy. Who hides from my camera more often than not. 6-7. Flat Daddy is traveling about. He attending the Butte College Pinning ceremony. Halle gladly shared the cargo space/backseat with the inanimate/flat version of her Daddy. 8. Twin Day at school. Such cute girlies! 9. A much (much!) needed Girls' Night. I thank God for these two ladies every single day.

  Silver Dollar Fair 2013. Loved it. These three girlies had an amazing time, being brave together. Halle's highlight however? Was when our dear friend Eli, not only went on a scary roller coaster with Halle? But he held her hand too! Before, during and after! Now that is a good friend! (In front of his 6th grade friends even!)

 

1. FaceTime with Daddy. Otherwise known as the highlight of our days/weeks/lives! 2-3, 5. Papa made the coolest fort frame, ever. Halle is beyond overjoyed. I personally fear for how long it might live in my living room. 4. Weird, just strangely compelling relationship between Mt. Lassen and the recent earthquake we experienced. Weird and random; and oh . . . yeah . . . I totally put together and emergency kit yesterday. #doomsdaypreppers #crazy #paranoid # bettertobeprepared #lassen # explosion #earthquake #totallylostmyfreakinmindAnd finally? A movie date with some of our favorite peeps ever. Seeing Epic? Was epic. Because it was with them. And also very windy, apparently.

Did I mention that Halle has pink-eye? Of course she does. Sigh. Hello-last-week-of-May. Cleary you know that I'm not a fan.

Tired and Weepy . . .

I am. I still haven't been sleeping well. And I'm tired. And thus, I am also weepy.

Poor John. He Facetimed us tonight to catch up with Dylan. And when they were done, I got on the phone. And all I could do was cry. That's reassuring, huh? Whoops . . . 

So I'm trying to recover from my case of the "sad Sallys" so that I can actually get a good night's sleep. I started watching Call the Midwife. Not soothing, per se. But distracting, anyway. 

I'll take what I  can get!

Sleepy Sunday . . .

I'm not sleeping well these days. I'm constantly on alert in case my phone rings or dings. I'm going to need to work that out, for sure! But, when I do get that opportunity to talk or Facetime with my hubby . . . it is well worth the sleepless nights!

That being said, I'm going to go take a little nap!

An Open Letter to the Mama in Safeway . . .

Oh sweet, Mama-friend. We don't know each other, but you touched my heart today. I was two people back, but the line was moving slow. I heard you first, before I saw what was happening.

I heard you, very quietly, say to your sweet boy, "but we need some other things more than that." And as I looked up, I saw you setting aside a small watermelon. It joined a package of lean ground beef and  hot dogs in a go-back basket.

That's when I looked at you and saw the worry that was etched into every inch of your face. You were watching each item as it rang up and the tension grew with every little blip of the register. When your coupons were added in, you ran your card and the cashier told you that you still owed $10 and change. I watched your eyes start scanning your selection of healthy groceries to decide what to put back.

My heart broke for you. 

I have no idea what your situation is, but I wish I could have done more. I swear that I have had cash on me every single day for the last two months, but of course today, I didn't. If I had, I would have done more. But instead, I had to have the cashier swipe my card.

The $10 and change that I paid was not enough. I wanted to give you more. If I had been thinking more quickly, I would have abandoned my groceries and helped you load yours and given you my phone number and a hug. And gotten some cash back and slipped that into your pocket as well.

But I wouldn't have wanted you to think it was charity. What I would I want you to know is that you are a good Mama. I watched you with your boy. I watched your quiet pride. I saw the healthy food choices that you were making for your son. I saw that you weren't looking or waiting for a handout. I saw every second of worry and concern that you were feeling. 

If I could, I would find you and invite you over for dinner. I would watch your son play with my kids as I got to know you better. Next time, I'll be ready. I'll be quicker. 

But in the meantime, I hope that somehow, somewhere . . . you can feel my prayers going up on your behalf. I hope you know that you gave me a lot more than I could have given you today. Thank you for the reminder of how hard it is for all of us at times. Thank you for the reminder of what matters. Thank you for being a good Mama in the midst of hard times. There is nothing more, in my opinion, that shows your true character.

So blessings to you, sweet girl. I hope . . . truly, truly hope . . . that we have the opportunity to meet again.

 

Mother's Day No. 15 . . .

And yes, if you're counting . . . my D-man is only 14 . . . but I found out that I was going to be a Mama exactly fifteen Mother's Days ago. 

So it totally counts.

I am forever grateful for these two amazing children that made me a Mama. I couldn't ask for more blessings, more love, more joy, more growth, more humility . . . 

They have taught me what love means. And for that, I can never be thankful enough.Eggo waffles for breakfast and heart-shaped PB&Js for dinner! Happy Mother's Day to me! Plus,one of my BFFs made peach cobbler for me. She even brought me yummy vanilla ice cream to top it off! If nothing else, I have eaten extrememly well today!

P.S., my other true love, John B. is safe and getting settled into his mission for the next several months. Combined with the toaster waffle and dinner sandwiches? I couldn't ask for a better celebration of Mother's Day. Gratitude and joy abound.