I'm at a crossroads.
I (selfishly?) want to do something, as a career, that really matters to me.
The problem? I'm not totally certain as to what that is!
And so for now, I am struggling.
In my heart and soul, I know that being a Mama is 100% the most important "job" that I will ever have. But, the reality is, my success and value has been tied to a paycheck and a job title for far longer than I can remember! Plus, the equality in our household has always been measured or weighted by two wage earners . . . whether that has been the intention or not.
So here I sit. Busting my hump and earning no $$$.
I am so stinkin' busy. All the time. And tired, too. And no . . . I'm not even volunteering in the classroom all that often . . .
So I'm bewildered . . . (a) I don't know how I did ALL THIS and worked 32-50 hours per week and (b) I don't understand how I am so tired and busy and scattered WITHOUT working 32-50 hours per week!
Not to mention, that I don't seemingly know exactly what or how my dream career is and how it fits with raising my kiddos.
It might be some combination of doula, administrator, photographer, artist, grant writer, social worker, activist, missionary, volunteer, community builder and homemaker.
But then again? It might be something else entirely! And how can I get paid to do some combination of the above-mentioned jobs/passions?
(Could someone just decide for me, what it is that is most valuable and what is intended for my life? I would greatly appreciate it at this point and time!)
Until then . . . I'm going to bed. Ignoring the laundry that needs to be done and calling it a day. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up at 5:30 and get it all done. Or not . . .